What Does the Coastal Grandmother do During the Middle of Winter?

Hunker Down

It is so easy to just hunker down and do nothing during the cold, dreary days of winter. There is nothing more enticing than a good book, a cup of hot tea and a lap blanket when the weather is forbidding. So, what is wrong with that? Absolutely nothing, as long as it does not become isolation!

We Need People

As we learned during Covid, isolation is not a good thing. We all need other people in our lives in order to stay healthy emotionally and psychologically. I have learned over the years to value and nurture the relationships in my life.

A lot depends on where we find ourselves at any given point. If we truly are a Coastal Grandmother, do we still have our husband or significant other? Are we still working in some capacity? Do we have hobbies that take up a lot of our time? Do our hobbies involve other people?  Do our children and grandchildren live close by? What activities are we involved in etc.

Is Lonliness a Problem

I found myself in this very dilemma four years ago when my husband passed away. I dutifully waited a full year before I made any life decisions (that is sound advice by the way). After I cleaned out and sold my house and moved to my condo, I was faced with, “what do I do now”? I had never in my life lived alone. I went from living at home, to college, where I had roommates, to being married and then having children. Now, my children were grown, my husband of 51 years was gone, and I had moved to a new dwelling where I knew no one.

I am truly blessed that my grown children live near by and we are very close. They include me in a lot of their activities, but let’s face it, they have their own very busy lives. I do not want them to feel they have to include me in everything they do. After the business of moving, shopping for new furnishings and setting up the condo were done, I realized I was lonely a lot of the time.

Dating, Really?

Since I am a former Color Analyst, I relate a lot to the “Seasons”. Being a “Winter”, it is not my nature to be bubbly and outgoing, and to naturally draw people to me (this makes me envy “Springs” sometimes)! I had to figure out what to do with my life at 79 years old! I had friends who said, “go on a dating website, that’s how I met my significant other”. I did try that, and I did meet some nice men. Let’s just say that meeting someone you are truly compatible with, at any age, is challenging. My daughter says I am too particular, maybe, but I am also not willing to “settle”.

As I truly evaluated my life, I realized I needed something challenging and stimulating. What would that be at this age? My condo association was getting ready to switch from the builder to a Board of Directors. I decided to run for a seat on the Board.  A dynamic older lady in the neighborhood said, “I would run, but I wear hearing aids, and I’m afraid I would not be able to hear everything at the meetings”. I replied, “don’t let that stop you, I wear them also, but I will just turn them up during the meetings, or ask to have things repeated”. I ran, and am now Vice President of the Board of Directors. Who knew this would lead to a close new friendship with Vanessa, the President of the Board. I love her intelligence and energy, and she seems to value my life experience.

Vanessa and me

Bookclub

I have a friend who is in a book club. That really appealed to me since I love to read. Her bookclub was already at capacity so joining hers was not an option. I didn’t know anyone else who was in a bookclub, so, I decided to start one of my own. I started with people in my church and put the word out that I was starting a bookclub. Three people from my church group joined. I asked various people I knew casually or professionally, and eventually, we were up to six people. We are now up to ten, and these women have become so dear to me and such good friends!

Bookclub friends doing “color analysis” workshop

Is a Pet the Solution?

Shortly after moving to the condo, I had to put my thirteen year old dog down. Talk about lonely, I was devastated! I did not think getting another dog was an option. After a few months, my daughter told me I needed another dog. She said I should get a Havanese puppy (a puppy, really??). I asked my daughter if she was going to take the dog should anything happen to me later on. She and my son are both dog lovers, so, they agreed one of them would. I got “Emmy” a few months later. Those of you who are “Facebook” friends know how crazy I am over her.

Please hear me on this, I am not suggesting everyone who is lonely get a dog. It is a lot of responsibility and not right for everyone. My own grandmother had parakeets. She taught them to talk, so, yes, they were company and something to take care of besides herself. Cats are more independent and certainly another option. If you travel a lot, you may not need a pet at all.

Emmy

Dance, Dance, Dance

I also joined a shag dance club. I am from North Carolina, originally, and had always wanted to learn to shag dance. The first night I was scheduled to go was in January and cold as blazes. I was sitting by the fire, all warm and snuggly, and watching an episode of Downton Abby. The thought of going out in the cold to a new place, with new people, and doing something I didn’t know how to do, was daunting. I grappled with myself over an hour. Finally I decided, “no”, I was not going to talk myself out of this. I had committed, and I was going. To my surprise and delight, the first person I ran into was a friend from my former church. He and his wife had been members of the shag club for years, and they introduced me to all their friends! God is good (especially when we do our part)!

I am glad to say my life is now happy and full. I have met a number of people in my neighborhood through serving on the board and out walking my dog. My next door neighbor, who is a “Spring”, by the way, has become a dear friend. She is a social butterfly, and has gotten me involved in a golf league (yes, I have taken up golf), the symphony, and even some traveling.

My dear friend Joann

It is my hope this will encourage you to get out of your comfort zone and do something that inspires and motivates you.  No matter what age you are or where you are in life, doing something new is challenging and exciting and broadens your horizons. After all, you never know what it may lead to! Just look at me, blogging, who would have thought?

Note: I just took up learning bridge! It is a fascinating game and will definitely challenge your cognitive abilities,.

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